I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
