If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
