he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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