I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
