he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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