Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
