Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
