we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
