I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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