Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
