god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
