I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
