dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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