I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
