6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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