so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
