Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
