i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
