She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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