the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just google imaged poop.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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