Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sarcasm needs its own font
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
