An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sober January is a disaster.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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