My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
