Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
