I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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