I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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