i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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