I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
