My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
