Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
