Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
