what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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