those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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