Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
