Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
