He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize