i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
