I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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