I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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