I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
