My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
