I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He better not be in your backpack
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
