We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
