Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
