At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
