I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
