I'm so fucking centered right now
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
