Pants 0. Shit 1.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
