At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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