I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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