and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
