white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
