like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
