umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
