Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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