yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
false alarm, still single
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
