it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
