it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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