Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
