she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
