i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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