I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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