My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
