Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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