Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
