im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
