Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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