I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize