**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
