We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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