***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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