I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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