When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
