Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
