i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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