I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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