Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
