I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
