dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
