I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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