I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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