She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
