So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
