I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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