I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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