I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
