I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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