so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
