And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize